TASTE THE RAINBOW – BREWDOG’S COLOURFUL NEW VEGAN BURGER GOES ABOVE AND BEYOND

Hi, Pathetically

You know you’re witnessing the early stages of a full-blown vegan revolution when Brewdog’s hosting sold out beer and cheese pairing nights, with vegan cheese. The “fiercely independent” – albeit with its own private plane – craft beer chain even does 2-4-1 half-price veggie and vegan mains every Monday. And their jazzed up Born to Live burger might just be the best dressed Beyond Meat patty in town.

Recently, I tried Honest Burgers’ Beyond Meat Plant burger. But to be honest, I found it dry and uninspired. Emphasising just how important it is to put a Beyond Meat burger together with the same kind of love and consideration you would any other. You’ve got to know what you’re doing.

Even if you keep things simple, it’s all about the right complementary flavours. The right sauce. The best cheese. The right attention to detail. And a few signature moves to really make that burger sing. It can’t just be a forced-seeming afterthought, because enough people asked for a vegan option.

Enter the Born to Live burger. A crazy work of technicolour art featuring a juicy Beyond Meat patty, roasted red peppers, a creamy vegan chipotle slaw, vegan gouda and pickles, on a scarlet-red beetroot brioche bun that looks like it was baked by Willy Wonka.

The burger was originally launched in January, as an exciting new option for those dabbling in Veganuary. And it’s still on the menu now, almost five months later – at least, it is at Brewdog Tower Hill. It’s just been rebranded, and is now simply known as the Beyond Meat Burger. But trust me. It’s the real deal.

A Beyond Meat patty on a vegan junk food rainbow. The smoky, soft texture of roasted red pepper. The rich, gooey, perfectly melted vegan gouda. And the creamy, Mexican-style spicy chipotle slaw. I was skeptical of the gimmicky, OTT-seeming bun at first. Mainly because I’m not a big fan of beetroot. But, I’m happy to report, it’s sweet and fluffy and the beetroot taste is subtle to non-existent.

According to Brewdog the burger goes well with Punk IPAs. But honestly, who the hell drinks Punk IPAs at Brewdog. So I paired mine with Hazy Janes. Lots of Hazy Janes…

Address: 21 Great Tower St, London EC3R 5AR

HALO BURGER – PROPER MELTY FAST FOOD BURGERS WITH NONE OF THE MURDER (AND ALL OF THE GOOEY CHEESE)

halo burger vegan cheese burger
Hi, Pathetically

I used to think all Beyond Meat burgers were created equal. But they’re not. It’s all about how you cook them. And dress them. And serve them. And Brixton-based Halo Burger know exactly what they’re doing. In fact, this 100% plant-based “bleeding burger joint” will fill that red and golden-arched, fast food-sized hole missing in your new, meat-free vegan lives.

To replicate that squish-in-your-hand, wish-you-had-another-one-now feel, Halo Burger reshape their Beyond Meat patties. Cutting and double-layering them in a moreish, Big Mac, Five Guys Double Bacon Cheeseburger kind of way. Most importantly, the non-dairy cheese is “hand steamed” on each half patty as well. Making sure the burgers are soft, gooey and delectable – and disappear fast.

Everything’s right. The look. The flavour. The texture. The way the orange cheese melts and rehardens to the shape of the wrapper at the edges. It’s like an old In-N-Out Burger dream, without the guilt. And Halo Burger is the perfect plant-based replacement for your drive-thru, late-night, golden-hour burger needs.

Address: 49 Brixton Station Rd, Brixton, London SW9 8PQ

LOVE SHACK – MEATY MERCATO METROPOLITANO’S NEW PATCH OF VEGAN PARADISE

Hi, Pathetically

Mercato Metropolitano’s a laid back, good-food and tasty-beer oasis in the heart of Elephant and Castle. Yet, despite the Italian-themed food hall’s seemingly endless array of colourful culinary possibilities – from all around the world – most diners seem to make the same choice; a mountain of chips and grilled meat. So needless to say, not so friendly for the vegans.

Recently, however, a new vegan startup planted its plastic-free roots in the midst of the carnage. Enter Love Shack London, a Hackney-based good vibe peddlar, now offering “plant-based power to the people” of south east London.

Setup alongside a stock waffle joint and beef and chip shop, the new Vegan Shack menu sparkles like a rainbow over a sea of beige. A tropical palette of fresh ideas bursting with even fresher ingredients. I felt Spring in my step just reading it.

When it comes to vegan fast food, I don’t usually go for more “rustic” burger patties. But this time the burger in question sounded surreal, like an eccentric work of vegan art. A flavour fiesta I was (not) dying to celebrate.

They call it The Mexican, but it might as well be called The Vegan Sunset. And it features a walnut, mushroom and black bean patty, guacamole, tomato salsa, a mysterious slice of “smoked vegan cheese” and grilled pineapple. All on a fluffy beetroot brioche bun.

The patty itself was perfect. Juicy and firm, yet fresh, wholesome and beany at the same time. And everything was complementary. The creamy, homemade guacamole. The tangiest, tastiest, most tantalising tomato salsa I’ve ever tasted. And the sweet tartness of the grilled pineapple.

Unsurprisingly, The Mexican kind of fell apart in my hands. But it didn’t matter. I licked my fingers in silence. Spellbound by every single bite. It was exquisite. And paired perfectly with the overpriced bottle of Brewdog x Verdant Sheena IPA I got from The Italian Job.

Address: 42 Newington Causeway, London SE1 6DR